im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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