her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
