I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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