i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my phone needs a breathalizer
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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