and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
