My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
