Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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