I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i need some magic done to my vagina
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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