i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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