I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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