I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's just like the Real World with babies
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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