Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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