So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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