I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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