Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
