you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
