I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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