mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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