Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love you.
Bad choice
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
