we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
