Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
