We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
