she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
there is puke in my bra ... again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
