I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
