Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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