just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
