After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
