If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
