Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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