You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I party with great urgency now.
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