Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
