I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
