True but thats because hes a fetus.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
