I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
