I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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