NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I still have a little drunk in my system
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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