I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
