She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
