I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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