Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
