I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they're like a gay fantastic four
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
