this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And then my night got REAL pukey
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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