I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
