im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
