my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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