she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
