Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
