forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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