I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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