Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
