Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
