If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
