OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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