I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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