so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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