I think I can smell my own vagina right now
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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