obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
