she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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