he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
