imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
