It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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