so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
