You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
