he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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