ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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