the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
