Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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