Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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