I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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