textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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