Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
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all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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