Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
