so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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