Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
