In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
