come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
