dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
