Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
