Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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