omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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