I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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